Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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