someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Randomize
