They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
