i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
