Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
