ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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