God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
My Higher Power is John Stamos
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
