I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
