I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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