wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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