Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
