my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
