you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
