Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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