I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Randomize
