I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
