the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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