you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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