I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
