I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
