It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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