I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
