I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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