I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
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