Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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