i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
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