Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
