I don't usually arrange sex via text message
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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