dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
