FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
