K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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