Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
What a dumb baby whore.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Still dying that you shit outside
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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