Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
