When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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