I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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