He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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