I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
