last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
