I'm gonna have a badass scar
Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
