I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
