UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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