Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
