i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
