I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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