U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
