guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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