I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
