His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
