My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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