Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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